Extra Hot & Spicy Edition
Tuesday November 14
Editor in Chief : Nathan 'Wazzy' Wu
Asst. Editor : Eric 'Ice Baby' Yo
Contributing Writer : Ratchole Pole
Honorable Mention : Matt 'real thing' Malady
Honorable Mention : Charlie 'Aikman is a pussy' Webber
*** Strip tease ***
A group of Syracuse University freshman recently discovered that strippers are not considered suitable residence hall entertainment.
Twenety-four male students were accused of hiring Jumpin' Jen Olegaro to dance naked in their dorm hall. They were convicted and sentenced to serve 20 hours of community service and take social dance with fuzzerella next semester.
***The Dork Update***
The Dork of the month award has been given to Laurie O'Conner's boyfriend, known as Mr. Fuckup. He is a dork, a loser, a smart ass, and an overall annoying kid.
Congragulations go out to Laurie for finding such a winner! People have been offering a reward to the person who beats him up!
So far the loot for a swift hit in the head include:
A weekend with Joy Witsmissedher, a 6pk of Sals' wings w/ Sassy Sauce, an all expense paid tour of Schmewhouse, and 12 leftover 'brick' cans from the latest Chuck party.
All interested people, write directly to Dork@mailbox.
They are also accepting applicants for next month's polls.
*** Shocking ***
- True Story -
Some dumb broad from my marketing class was drying her hair when it exploded in her hand and electrified her. She passed out and the hair dryer caught her rug on fire. Her roomates smelled something burning and rescued her. She rode the ambulance to the hospital and was later released. She even went to our group meeting later that night. Not bad for a fatty-boom-ba-latty.
**** Don't call it a comeback ****
-Fuzzscape Dreams. coming at ya!-
Hey, what's up everybody. This is fuzz! and i'M going to fuzz you all up for not calling me jeff and being absolutly mean to me for months.
Here's my hitlist :
Eric Yo! Yo, how's about a hit in the head! And your 'better half', Roseanne! Ha, good luck with that bitch! you both suck! You think you are so smart, and her comments about me being 'Fluffy!' really has me pissed off, i can't believe you thought it was funny! Funk that! Funk You! MY NAME IS NOT FLUFFY!!, punk!
And that brings up Big J. The only thing big is the big shot in the face i'm gonna give you! You can take your boston talking, italian loving, guinea face outta my way. If you know what's good for you!
Then there's bill and his wife nina. Intel ! Ha, i'll be buying Intel with all the money i make in my business. Have fun in California, i hope i never see your engineering ass again! Fuzz ya later, asshole!
Steve horgan - the fiberchunk. Oh, yeah, you'll be spittin up _chunks_ when i give ya a big fuzz punch to the stomach! Take that! I should have taken care of your punk ass in DC when i had the chance! but now, with me, you have no chance! Cya
MJXM, hmmm. NOt much to say about you and your broken modem. Take your preppy rappy ass outta my face, and if you piss me off, i'm vandalizing your car with my fists! You'll be laying in the parking spot when i'm done with ya!!!
Hey rich , I mean, Arie/ARK, funk you and your poems!!! the only poem you'll be writing is the one on your gravestone! i'll see you, prince, old dirty bastard, and your mom in hell!!! thanks for playing, Doc Gooden, you jerk!
How about Garr??? Guess what, i'm not going to be creative. i'm just going to say... FUCK YOU.!!! and fuck fredonia!!!
I wanted to save my fav 2 for last ---- wazzy and paulie.
Nathan, it is you and your wuscape that started this. I'm going to take my shaolin finger and cut your wazzy wu ass up and make you wish you never touched the internet. I'm sick of you!!! I thought we were friends! I loved you! I want a girlfriend! After i take your skis and knock you to the ground, I'm going to take my DosShell software and shove it up your ass! Then i'm going after kris kieff!! I'm the man!
now, Paulie?? FUckFuzzyScape??? Well, how about FuckSpiceyNoodle Scape!!! I'm burning our place to the ground, and i'm starting with your room and your anna nicole smith video!!! Then I'm calling my posse and me , dave the rave, kwame and scott are gonna hide outside american dream girls and when you visit we'll fuck you up so bad that you will wish you lived in thailand!!!!!!.
Rhode Island Beatdown in the housE!!!!!!!
NOtice how i didn't make fun of chuck. that's b/c i love Chuck. he and I are going to move to Dallas upon graduation where we will write computer programs about the cowboys and play drinking games with all your chicks that will be on our dicks since you are all dead !!! ha ha!
If i forgot anyone , i'll nail you soon. Until next time...
Get yo schnell on!!!!!
I'm outta here!!!!!
Jeff 'fuzzy' Schneller
***** Classified *****
Place to Live: Contact- Eric 'Duke' Daemon
The Flowbie: Contact- Fuzzerella
Several Pounds of Bacon: Contact- Steve 'FiberChunks' Horgan
Take-Out containers: Contact- Bill 'Lickerass' Sicaras
Expensive Sandals, No Easy on/off please: Contact Jay 'Son of' Sampson
**** Readers Response ****
>From firstname.lastname@example.orgTue Nov 14 19:58:16 1995
Subject: Re: *WuScape* Commin at ya.
i vote for madpissed srinuan.
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rich fuzzed you up man.
anyway, for a copy of the rules send to:akiyo
syracuse, ny 13210
-> Now Here's the Truth Ruth <-
In case you forgot.
>From email@example.comTue Nov 14 18:47:28 1995
Subject: Re: *WuScape* Commin at ya.
oooooohhhh I think U better trip on this...
bad stories and poems, eh? i guess that your opinion, can't really argue that. sorry that they didn't entertain U, but here's a suggestion, b4 commenting on them, maybe U should try reading them. U might B surprised, i sure as hell was when reading that post.>
hey, if U wanna play with me, U better learn the rules, tough guy.
richard kriheli a.k.a 'the shit'
+ "the past will die RICHARD KRIHELI +
+ a dove will fly firstname.lastname@example.org +
+ a chain will break (315) 443-7433 +
+ a people will rise +
+ and love 4ever and ever +
+ the exodus has begun..." welcome 2 the dawn... +
Hey rich, cable, spidey, method ark, count dracula, richie, prince, gene simmons, doc gooden, etc...
Oooooohhhh I am sooooo scared...
You can take your rules and shove them where the fuzz don't shine.
So just exodus yo self out my way bitch.
**** Bare Back ****
The horse woman herself Trish 'I smell like fish' the instructor is calling all former members of her pussy, opps I mean possey, to join her for a one year reunion celebration gala at the ole country bar. That is right this goes out to Chuck 'How bout them cowboys' Webber, Stevie 'Bacon Weive' Horgan, Arvi 'I Got No Cung' Santos, and re-introducing the final member of the horse back riding gang....
-----> 'Pavaratchy' <-----
***** Cable Review *****
- Ode to ARIEk SERMON -
If there is one thing that Ariek Sermon knows, it how to take care of his business. He has been taking his breakup with his right hand man Fuzzalena fairly well and has now come out with his solo Ep with the back up of his right hand man M.J.X.M.C.U.S.E.B.B.A.L.L.F.A.N.. His solo debut "Loosie Lipped Asian" achieved minimal critical success. Then came the usual rumor and gossip that the reason for this is because he had fallen into the hands of an evil Japanese girl (see the trend?). So finally he was contemplating retirement. So here comes his phat joint #2. "AKIYO MATTATA" says it all. Where a lesser man may have fallen, E double chin comes out with guns blazin, taking aim at all those chics that have dissed and dismissed him.
There's no shortage of bankable hardcore funk tracks on "AKIYO MATTATA".
The title track gives tribute to in his opinion the greatest movie of all time "The Lion King". But he switches the words around, and makes this a tribute to the obsession of his life. The next track, "Deep Thoughts from the depths of the mind" are performed in conjunction with Joy Witsmissedher and Akiyo Mattata. They flow and drop deep thoughts that just leave you saying "huh?" Joy is heard flowin' " "Look at the bird /Look at the nerd / why am I here? / Let's go get a beer." While Akiyo is heard rapping hardcore japanese "SUSHI ! HAKUSHI ! MITSUBISHI ! I NEEDA MY RICHIE!!"
While this album does have some decent beats, overall, I've heard better stuff coming out of a horse's ass. It ranks up there with any Def Lepard or anything put out by Prince within the last 8 years.
WuScape ranks this no mics down...stay away from this album
***** Random Spotting *****
Chuck,Jay, Duke, and Steve spotted Joy Witsmissedher at kimmel today.
She was coming out and Chuck pointed her out to steve and duke.
She looked out of it (what a surprize) and was taking her sweet time walking up the street, kicking the snow, as if she had nowhere to go.
"Come to Comstock Heights! Come to Fuzz"
- Thoughts from Schnelon.
***** Controversy ******
Grievances filed over Rows eating habits.
**** Mjxm Update ****
Rumors have it that the man who knows how to dress, MJXM, has been invited to a crush party at Darwin's. Whether or not he will be seen around the M-street area remains to be seen. Some people don't believe the rumors "oh, yeah, and Chuck doesn't drink". Other people think something fishy is going on "I hear he works for the police and he's finding underage sorority chicks.". Whether or not he will go, drink, or hook up, remains to be seen. Not even the most educated people can figure this one out. Chancellor Shaw has been quoted as saying "I am so pissed. He lied about not being a partier. I'm going to make him wear the 'otto the orange' costume. ". Still others have seen him walking aimlessley, mistaking him for Joy, when the truth is that he just doesn't know where Darwin's is.
The king of all crush parties, Nathan Wu, offers this advice. "Go there, and make sure you walk her home alone. She'll be yours for _years_ after that! Next thing you know, you'll be living in another city with her."
The watch is on...
**** Squatters Rights ****
Duke Daemon has taken residency on Lancaster Ave, Forward all mail to his new address please.
**** The Yo Update ****
Since it has been heard throughout campus that things between Yo and Rows2 are at the very least..."sketchy", females around campus can't hold themselves in at the prospect of a single 'YO'. Because of this, E$$$Yo's publicist has already released a tentative schedule for next weekend.
Fri - Carrie's bday party
Sat - BC game ; Rows 1
Sun - Deana
Even the biggest fans of yo are impressed but eric begs to differ. "Hey, it ain't no thing to me. I'm the macking G. I'm like a hotel for graduation - things are filling up fast - in more ways then one. And to the ladies, don't worry , there's always time for YOU TOO.". Critics of eric yo point to the fact that all 3 women are schmewhouse majors.
**** Scientific Break-Thu ****
Dr. C.E. Webber announced yesturday at a Mensa meeting
"Look how hot that looks...", while pointing into the fireplace.
Us common folk conclude that it was fire.
**** Opposing Opinions ****
Oh my god!
How can blazers lose to a shitty team like N.J.Devils, I mean Giants, no no
I am sorry New Jersey JETS?
Blazers shoulda killed them.
The only ball player on JETS is Ed O'bannon.
I think they have a player named Derrick Coldman?
I don't know. He plays only five games a year, so.
Anyway WHO'S GONNA WIN IT ALL THIS YEAR?
Pimp says, PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS!!!
East champ Mahattan KNICKS!
West runner-up Spurs!
East runner-up Shaqlando.
So, shit I forgot about D-Bulls.
East champ will be Bulls.
East runner-up? Who cares about east anyway? Maybe N.J.JETS will win it all with Kyle Brady running point.
Later yo, and don't waste your money buying fake rap. Instead, buy Dog-pound!
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Subject: Re: HOW ABOUT THEM BLAZERS!
That's right, don't buy any of that shitty west cunt rap. You heard it, what you got out there? A bunch of ditsy blond beeyatches and wanna be hoods..That's right...Bring any of them wannabe gangsta bitches into my NYC hood and see how fast them mutha fuckas get shot. Let's see, the West gots who, the puppy pound, Hieroglyphics, Ice froggy frog, Eazy E, oops, anyone else? When was the last time anyone saw a lyricist outta Oregon? the NYC scene is here to stay...You can never dethrone us..
**Paulie Dreams** AND CHARLIE WARD TAKES OVER AT QB FOR THE JETS AS THEY CRUISE TO THE PLAYOFFS... hell I'll even take Charlie Brown before any ex-steeler at QB (SORRY MJXM)
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cc: Basketball possy
First of all, you spell Coldman's name C-o-l-e-m-a-n, second of all the Jets whether they are from New Jersey or not are a football team not a basketball team. Lastly, even though I live 3-1/2 hours from the city I feel I have the right to say that any guy rapping on the corner of west 110th and broadway, asking for change is got more skills than anything death row ever put out... two words "bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yeah".
**** Crazy Cool Quotes ****
look at me, i'm fucking deformed.
are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
If they didn't do, what I told them not to do. they'd still be alive:
Maybe the're dead, maybe their not, and either the cops got 'em, or they don't...
I register tomorrow morning?
**** Props ****
Shout out to Silly Willy for changing his name to 'Nigga X' on e-mail.
Thanx again to all those contributing to this issue.
Keep on Keepin on till next time...